Protected: Descendo- Chapter Two

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Shibari How To: Lesson 3/Aftercare

From http://www.bdsm-chicago.com:

AfterCare:
By © shevah~ 6/04 Email: subshevah@aol.com

Never underestimate the importance of negotiating this closing ritual.

A	Attentiveness - This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging, kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature. Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing your pace, move to cooler location. Relax your muscles & mind. If bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright lights. Negotiate beforehand what you will need.
F	Fortify - Your body’s needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice, eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the rest room, wash your hands & face, administer first aid to wounds and collect your thoughts. Rest: a large amount of energy was exerted & endorphins raging through the body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare & clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know any medical conditions for both Top and bottom.
T	Transition - A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to Empower yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your relationship. Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your roles. Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body & spirit. Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can operate smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing your former protective walls and defenses.
E	Express - Giving & showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your appreciation for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt “Thank You” goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your connection, which you just shared. Affirm your care and concern, be supportive and listen. Consider what you can do for/to one another to ‘ritualize’ the ending of the scene.
R	Recovery - It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one’s thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again. Cognitive thinking, emotional stability, and full motor functionality are all regained with time. The feeling of abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period is insufficient. When problems occur and things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare your options for scene breakers/stoppers.
C	Communicate - Be supportive and listen to each other. Did you exchange contact information? Call, talk, email, visit, & journal: within hours, days, weeks, and months. 1-800-Flowers.com. Determining how much follow up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene & the areas of the mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for both partners. Tops are “psycho” not “physic” - share your feelings and give them feedback.
A	Analyze - Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments, regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate & long term needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed “crashing” - Top/sub drop? Tops & bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for what just happened. Do you need reassurance & validation for your actions? Endorphin levels take time to stabilize
R	Reflect - A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process and should be explored by both players. Were the expectations, goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What “mental” barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention to heal? Was the equipment used adequate? If there was an audience, were they affected? What precautions should you take next time?
E	Explore - Future possibilities to play again with this person. Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to improve. Redefine your don’t list and questions to ask. Locate areas of uncomfortably to avoid. What is on your wish list? Don’t have the mindset of “got to play-itis”. What changes do you need to make with your negotiations? Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize there is no ‘one’ standard for aftercare. Make it what you need and what works for you and your partner(s).

Shibari How To: Lesson 2/Rope Safety

From http://www.bdsm-chicago.com:

PHYSICAL ROPE SAFETY:

Now this is some common problems (but not all the possible problems) that come along with rope bondage, or bondage in general. I am not a doctor, or health expert, so if you need more insight or info, please consult a health/medical professional.

PHYSIOLOGY CHANGE
It is very common to have someone’s body go through changes while in bondage. The mind works differently, thus the body starts working different also. Both the top and bottom have to expect this.

CIRCULATION CUT OFF (Numbness)
The most common problems with rope bondage is blood circulation being cut off. This most likely happens with the wrists, upper arms (you can feel a divot in the muscles on the outer upper arm) and ankles. Rope can easily cut off the blood supply to the limbs, hands and feet by pinching the veins / arteries. At first, this will make the finger or toes start to tingle and feel like tons of little needle pricks. This tells the person that blood is being cut off to the area. If not relieved, the area will go numb. Now damage is not actually being done at this point, it is not am emergency. It will take at least several hours for damage to actually happen even as much as 8 or more, so do not freak out when this happens. As long as a person can move their fingers and toes freely they should be fine.

If there is a circulation problem - just fix what is causing it, rearrange the rope or change the position of the limb. Some rope victims even like having numb limbs while bound so for them it is not a problem at all. Mostly what happens when blood circulation is cut off, is less oxygen is being given to the cells, and less waste (nitrogen) is being removed from the cells. But when circulation is regained, things will turn back to normal shortly. Note:In hospitals, the common practice it to flip patients over every 4 hours, to make sure if they do not have damage numb limbs or get bed sores.

NERVE COMPRESSION (limpness)
Now nerve compression is a lot more serious issue then blood circulation problems. Nerve compression can happen faster than circulation problems, even instantly! It can leave temporary, semi-permanently or even permanent damage! This is caused by the rope crushing the nerves that are between a bone and close to the surface of the skin. This happens most commonly in the upper arms just below the shoulders in the divot, wrists and ankles just like Circulation cut off … but can happen anywhere and is totally different with every individual!

The feeling from nerve compression will vary from it feeling similar to going numb from circulation problems BUT will NOT be able to move their fingers or toes, too a serious drilling pain (and not a good pain)! Your victim will know if they are feeling a nerve crushing pain, but if they are going numb, the best thing to do is make sure they can move the hands and feet on there own frequently. If they can not do that, there is a problem and remove them from the rope immediately!

(STATs: Jay Wiseman says he could find almost no examples of permanent injury resulting from circulation restriction. The rules about testing hands for color or temperature are worthless. He says the only real sign of rope being too tight is pain. You can have numb hands for a long time with no problems resulting. Most people don’t like the feeling of numb hands and it can bring a bottom out of headspace. So it’s good to be able to spot them. I also find that if the bottom is playing with their fingers, that’s typically a signal that they’re going numb. There are two ways to get a numb limb: compress a nerve or compress an artery. It appears that cutting off the blood supply to a *nerve* isn’t harmful unless it is done repeatedly. A very interesting article I stumbled upon (http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/dec96/850996021.Ns.r.html) states that about 15 minutes after a nerve is compressed, the skin begins to feel numb. Fifteen minutes later, temporary paralysis can set in which will abate after about a minute once the blood supply is restored to the nerve. It’s only 40 minutes or more after the nerve has been compressed (25 minutes or more after the skin feels numb) that recovery time can extend into hours, days, and weeks. These are, apparently, called “Palsies.” These, too, recover, but only after extended healing times. I have suffered from “Handlebar Palsy” which occurred after too many hours on a bike (I could no longer do the Vulcan “Live long and prosper” sign) and it took about a week to heal after I stopped riding. So there’s PLENTY of time to react to a numb limb if the cause is a compressed nerve. And the consequences of dawdling simply extend the healing time from a few minutes to a number of days (not a good way to keep a sub around, by the way). If the cause is a compressed *artery*, then things get a little more serious if only because it takes more pressure to overcome the 100 mm-Hg (100 Torr or 2 psi) blood pressure than it does to compress the capillaries surrounding a nerve. I don’t know what damage ischemia (loss of blood supply) can do to muscles and tissue over the period of 30 minutes, so I’ll refrain from commenting further. I am reminded by an MD friend of mine that the damage cannot be TOO great: People have sewn limbs back on and had them work…. I guess the upshot of this long-winded (and very geeky) reply is that most of us do not like numb limbs and they feel bad; but they’re not quite as dangerous as they seem. This doesn’t obviate the need for a good bondage top to recognize and correct the problem, however. )

Other Instances to look out for while standing in bondage…

Knee locking: Do not let the victim knock their knees. This greatly changes the flow of blood, and blood pressure, and can cause them to pass out!

Pressure on sternum: Watch out for putting excessive pressure on the sternum, this can also make someone pass out

MEDICAL HISTORY and INJURIES:
You want to know about your bottom’s medical history and injuries. It is common for people to have injuries, and have medication needs. For example if someone is diabetic, you want to keep their insulin and / or juice around to help control their sugar level. It also common for people to have shoulder and knee injuries, so you have to plan to keep pressure off those joints or any other injuries the bottom may have. Also keep any medicine that may be needed in hand, such as breathalyzers, and medications.

ROPE REMOVAL (End of the scene):

Rope Burn:
When removing rope (and putting on rope), you have to watch out for rope burn. Rope burn is caused by friction of the surface of the rope against the skin. The faster you pull rope, the more chance rope burn will occur. This is not necessarily a bad thing though; some rope victims love rope burn! But if you don’t want to cause rope burn, you just have to pull the rope through slower. Also the different rope materials cause rope burn faster than others. Remember taking rope off can be as sensual as putting it on!

Joint Hardening:
If they are in a position for a long period of time, which usually starts after 15 mins, the joints will stiffen. This is because joints are meant to being free and moving, when they don’t move they freeze up. You will have to ease them out of the position let them move slowly into a neutral position. If they move the joints too fast, which they will try to do, it will hurt a lot! You will have to help support their legs/arms and then lower them slowly at their pace once they realize what is going on.

Balance:
When taken you victim out of ropes, most likely they will not be able to keep balance, especially if they were in sub space, or exhausted and weak from the bondage.

Rope Marks:
When you remove rope from the skin, you will see rope marks. Personally I consider this one of the more lovely and artistic elements of rope bondage! There are 2 things you can do: Just leave them alone, and let the blood naturally flow back to the surface of the skin, Or you can do a light massage on those areas to get the blood flowing back to the surface and most likely the rope victim will consider it the best massage they ever got! But both are fine, depending on your scene and preference of your play partner.

Temperature,
Your victim will most likely get cold, from coming out of subspace, and crashing from subspace or several other reasons. So keep a blanket around to put on them to warm them up.

Water and food:
People lose a lot of liquids while in bondage, so it good to keep water around for them to drink during and after the scene. They will need it! Most likely your victim will also need sugar or food to replenish their system once out!

Other Aftercare
Depending on your scene and victim, aftercare varies from victim to victim. So communicate with your partners to see what they need. It can be anything from totally leaving them alone, to cuddling.
(see shevah’s hand-out)

Emergency Removal:
Remember that rope is cheap, and easily replaceable, a good Victim is not! So if there is a problem, and you don’t think you can safely remove the victim in time, DO NOT hesitate to cut the rope off with EMT shears! You have to recycle your victims, so you can use them over, and over and over! ==B)

1. First, you have to keep your cool! A top that loses control and be more deadly then any situation!

2. Secondly, assess the situation. Sometimes cutting a person out right away can put them in more danger then leaving them in and taking them out slowly.

3. If others are going to help you remove, keep control, and tell them what to do! Someone else doesn’t know your rope work, and can put your victim in danger by cutting or removing the wrong rope at the wrong time! Having a spotter is a good idea, but either way, keep control of the scene!

4. Do not hesitate to call 9-1-1, its better to be safe then sorry.

Shibari How To: Lesson 1/Safety

An update to this weekend’s activities between Yin and I is on the way. It is progressing well. Last night, for the first time, I fucked Yin until she said ‘enough’, or ‘I’m done’, or something to that effect (I was so into to being ‘in’ her that I missed exactly what she said and caught only the jist of it…). Anyway, I didn’t finish, but Yin did. More than just one time, by my count. It is still Yin’s weekend, and so I hope to get to finish tonight or tomorrow morning. The one nice thing, very nice in fact, is my ability to fuck Yin without end by delaying my finish. I have a new found skill and plan to take advantage of it.

In the meantime, I’ve been exploring how to get started with Shibari.

I found a site that I like: http://www.bdsm-chicago.com

This comes from there:

!!! MorTis’s 6 HARD RULES OF ROPE BONDAGE !!!.

There are a lot of rules for doing bondage, but here are 6 main Rules of Bondage that should never be broken!

There are a lot of rules for doing bondage, but here are 6 main Rules of Bondage that should never be broken!

1. Communication: The most important rule of all. Always keep communication open! Make sure you always know what is going on with your Victim. If you do not communicate you will for sure have problems. Every tie is different and works different on every victim so communication is key to learn and progress with your bondage play!

2. ALWAYS have a pair (as in two) of EMT shears with you at all times. They only cost between 3-7$ and easy to find, I get mine from rainbowrope.com. You can get EMT shears from medical stores or pharmacies, Rope or SHARP shears from mountain climbing supply or hardware stores. Also Hook knives are great for cutting rope and slicing off mummification materials. Never do any kind of bondage without having safety equipment on you. It can save a life!

3. NEVER put Rope going across the front of the neck. And personally I never put it going across the beck of the neck either. Also always make sure the rope is not able to slide up from the chest or back because it will end the neck. If rope ends up putting pressure against the neck, it can cause serious problems. The arteries can be constructed and cut off oxygen to the brain. The larynx can be crushed causing serious breathing problems. And rope on the back of the next can put unwanted pressure on the vertebras in the spin.

4. Never cover both the mouth and nose at the same time (mainly for mummification or head bondage).

5. NEVER leave someone who is in bondage alone.

( STATs: Jay Wiseman has collected stories for years and analyzes them. For example, he has investigated bondage-related fatalities (not just someone coincidentally having a heart attack while tied up, but deaths resulting from the bondage) and discovered that in 99.9% of the cases, the tied person was alone when they died. Either because they were doing self-bondage, or because the top left the room. So one of the first rules is: Never leave your partner unattended! Many other serious injuries result from falls, either because suspension equipment failed, or the tied person was standing or walking and lost their balance)

6. Patience. Remember to keep your kool. Either if it is learning what works with tying up your victim and figuring out what works best. It possible the rearranging rope as little as a ¼’ can turn hell into heaven with a tie. Or if there is an emergency. Always keep you head and assess the situation. If there is a problem, can you just untie them? Or should you cut them out?

Not as easy as I thought…

So this morning…I got up & couldn’t find Yang. Nothing unusual about that; he has this insanely crazy habit of getting up at the crack of dawn (at least when he’s sleeping in, otherwise it would be earlier). So I decided to go ahead and take my shower. I’m in the bathroom minding my own business. My shower is done. I’m dressed, but my hair is still wet and I’m not quite finished. And here he comes.

I’m the one in control this weekend, right? He walks behind me and presses his body against my back. I can feel his cock pressed against my butt; his head against mine. I can feel his breath on my neck. He stays for about 15 seconds, then just walks away. He knows that drives me crazy. He knows I’m going to follow him.

So then, he’s on his back on the bed. I’m over him with his cock in my mouth. Then I decided to get out the warming oil and play for a little while. After a few minutes, I decided that I needed him inside of me. I can decide that, I’m in control right? So I straddled him and slid down onto him. It didn’t take long for me to get where I needed to go. I thought this would make it easier to resist him.

Admittedly, that was my strategy to survive the weekend. I figured I could continually bring him to the brink of explosion and then back off. This was supposed to be easy because he would be secured and I could just climb on and take it whenever I needed the release.

My first mistake…I didn’t secure him this morning. After all, this was his idea (See Post: Testing a Theory). I assumed that he would exercise self control this early in the game. I’ve learned my lesson. Tonight, he will be secured. I’m not really sure how it happened this morning. One moment I was in control and the next moment, he was on top; his really strong arms surrounding me, his legs holding mine apart. I was fully aware that any freedom of movement that I had was because he was allowing it, which was really hot.

My second mistake…I didn’t realize how hot the struggle for control would be. I knew that I needed to regain control to keep him from ending our experiment too early. But, at the same time, I really needed him to fuck me. So he did again and again. I thought my ability to climax whenever I wanted would give me an almost unfair advantage. What I didn’t count on was that the harder he got, the more I wanted him again and again and again.

So, tonight…I’m definitely breaking out the rope

Protected: Descendo- Chapter One

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Live Shibari in Tokyo

I’m going to have to take classes in Shibari rope use and knot tying. Sometimes Yin just gets out of hand and is too hard to control…

I can’t wait.

My mind has been racing since Yang’s last post (Testing a Theory). Although I will admit that his theory is correct, I believe it must be tested just to be thorough. After all, we need to know exactly how far he can go. You see, I don’t have any intention of exercising patience on my part. He will be secured, so there is nothing to stop me from climbing on whenever I feel the need. Granted, the longer this goes on, the more careful I will need to be.

I don’t want to go into too much detail right now.  But trust me, I do have a plan.

Testing a Theory

The other day I was doing some heavy lifting. In fact, a whole morning’s worth of it. I was almost finished when I reached down to lift something off the ground and finish up what I was doing. It was going to be the lightest thing I had worked with all morning.  Contrary to popular belief, Newton’s Law of Gravity sometimes works in converse proportion to the size of an object and I picked up this  “light” object without being properly positioned- promptly straining a small muscle in my back.

So?

Small muscles in the back, at least one of them anyway, are capable of making it extraordinarily difficult to do things. Things like move, breathe, get up, get down, and so on.

As I later sat- very very still -I began to contemplate things I would rather be doing. This of course led to thinking about Yin. Then, I started thinking about things I would like to do with Yin, to Yin, and have done to me by Yin. In consideration of my condition at that time, I began to think what Yin could do to me if she were present at that moment- pretty much anything. I may as well have been the captured soldier mentioned by Yin and I in our last few posts, because I couldn’t move (much).

I focused on a theory that I have about Yin. It is that she enjoys seeing how many ways she can turn me on, and make me squirm, at the very same level (at least) that I do in relation to her.

So, to test this theory, I’m going to offer up at least one way for Yin to turn me on and make me squirm. If she bites, then I know I’m on to something. My back is better now, but this theory assumes otherwise (at least insofar as is necessary to render me immobile and in the same position as the soldier).

One Way for Yin to Make Me Squirm:

Like all red blooded males, I enjoy being hard and being stroked, licked and fucked while in that condition. I have found with Yin that I also like being taken to the brink of finishing, and then seeing how long I can stay there. When I finally finish, it’s like no other. There is a certain point at which I must have Yin.  I believe Yin likes this.  If, due to injury, capture, or other, I were completely subject to Yin’s control, and she wanted to take me to the state of “must have her now”, all she would need to do is spend however long she had patience for stroking (from base to top with her hand, circling the head with her fingers- very excellent feeling indeed, stroking fast, stroking slow, rubbing her palm back and forth slowly and/or quickly over the top -I would climb a wall), licking and sucking, and so on. Once I got to the point of being on the brink of finishing, from that point on the longer I was on the brink the more my need for Yin would increase. I’ve never been able to make this last very long on my own with Yin- the must have her now always kicks in and, well, I just have to have her. Growl. I’m curious as to how long Yin could cause it to continue if I were at her disposal. Of course, there are other ways for Yin to make me squirm that don’t involve such direct physical contact. Yin has a very (and I mean very) hot bod. But, I’m not going to spill all my secrets so easy.

Turnabout? I’m waiting…

He was the chosen one…one like no other. The first time I was simply amusing myself. I had him stripped, secured and then cleared the room. I could tell he was wondering what my intentions were as he mentally prepared himself for what may lie ahead. What did I want with him? Information? To make an example out of him? Why was he singled out? As I watched his mind race, I realized that I had not had this much fun in a long time. So, I slowly circled him several times before stopping directly in front of him. I never said a word. The look on his face when my dress fell to the floor was priceless. I moved closer, circling him, brushing against him, running my fingers across his chest, down his stomach, taking hold of his already rock hard cock. I straddled him; close enough for him to have a clear unobstructed view, but just far enough away that the only touching would be on my terms. He was confused but obviously willing. I lowered myself onto him, riding him quickly then slowly, controlling all movements. He will climax if and when I say he can. And today, I say he can’t. After all, he is just a soldier. I stood, dressed…never spoke a word, just a smile as I left the room. His final look as I lost sight of him was one of frustration, a longing to finish what had been started and a twinge of anger. Hmmmm…I like this game. I think I’ll be back.

Sometimes, I would have him secured while lying down so that I could crawl all over him, rubbing my body over his. However, on occasion I would strip, crawl over his head. until my mouth reached his cock while straddling his chest. I was always thoughtful enough to make sure his eyes were sated. He never said thank you. Pretty rude, I thought. Then I would lick his balls ever so slightly while barely caressing his cock and inner thighs, but I never took him fully into my mouth; that’s exactly what he wanted; what he ached for. Although he could barely move, his squirming was quite impressive.

I could see the anger grow each time I would visit. I would smile because his anger wasn’t the only thing that would grow when I entered the room. I don’t know who he was angrier with, me for using him or himself for wanting it. And, he definitely wanted it.

So he escaped and I hear that he’s coming for me.  Although he may be angry with me, its not revenge he seeks but release.  The truth  is, he has come to need me just as much as I have come to need him.  The passion between us is overwhelming and consuming.  The leveling of the playing field will simply serve to make our next meeting more interesting.  But does he really think that  I will relinquish control so easily?